I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
