The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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