Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
