Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
