I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
