I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
