Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
