I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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