dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
