I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
