ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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