And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
