I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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