This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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