I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
