I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
