Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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