I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
