At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
