In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
