In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is wine microwaveable?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
