dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
