Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
