We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
