Plan B is the new Plan A
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
