i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
