Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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