Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
