Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I've blown a few things in my day
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
