First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
