sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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