I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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