ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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