Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
