i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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