Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
