my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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