If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
