You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
