Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
