I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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