we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
