How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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