i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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