Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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