Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
