we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
