What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
