none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
