My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
