That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize