hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
