it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
