3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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