I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
