It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
