I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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