His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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