Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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