i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
