i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
