I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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