He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
