and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
