apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
where are my pants?
in the oven.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
