Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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