Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
