I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There are leaves in my underwear?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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