Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
