i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
