Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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