Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
