I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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