i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
it's like heaven, but drunker
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
