i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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