He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
