Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
