Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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