My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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