Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
