i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
this will be a night to untag.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
